Friday, May 11, 2012

7 years ago today

7 years ago today I should have been giving birth to my first son, William Joseph however God had another plan. On this day 7 years ago I mourned the loss of our son and what should have been a joyous day for us. 7 years ago I picked my nephew up from daycare took him shopping for his new baby sister. I then took my nephew up to the hospital to see his mommy, daddy and new baby sister for the very first time. 7 years ago I stood in my sister-in-laws hospital room happy for them and my new niece while quietly trying to hide the pain inside, wishing that it was me showing my baby to everyone, wishing the pain would go away, wishing that it was all just a horrible horrible nightmare and I would wake up and everything would be different- but it wasn't. I remember every detail of that day 7 years ago. I also remember every detail of my pregnancy and loss of our sweet William. As the years have gone by, it has gotten easier but by no means have I forgotten anything and I still feel the pain and the hurt.
There are days that I wonder what if? There are days I often wonder what it would've been like if things would've been different. But it is God's plan, and God's plan has played out with my little Angel in heaven watching over his baby sisters and brother.
I think what hurts the worst today is some of the "comments" put on my fb post by two of my family members today. I posted my remembrance message for our sweet William. I know that when we lost William that I inadvertently hurt some people in how I dealt with my grief, but I dealt with it the best and only way I knew how. I cannot believe that some people cannot just let me remember my son and grieve the way I want to.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear this. Here's a long distance hug from me to you.