Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Well tomorrow is our second ultrasound, I am excited to see our little one but of course nervous. I am praying that all is well with our little one, and he/ she is growing  like he/she should. I am really trying to stay positive but I keep having these negative thoughts:(  My hubby came across two books and a prayer card from 6 years ago when I was pregnant with our son William, I have been reading the devotionals and praying the prayer each night before bed, and that seems to calm me. I am really nervous about getting through this month, because November holds lots of bad memories for me. This Friday marks the 6th anniversary of our son William's passing (it is also the day that one of my grandfather's passed away, we used his first name for our son not realizing in our grief that it was the same day that my grandfather had passed away).
I am still having back pain, I just wish I knew what was causing it, I think if I knew that I might be able to "relax" a little bit but I am a worrier (come by it naturally!!!). I am still not having much in the way of pregnancy symptoms, which of course causes me worry- see I told you I am a worrier. I did have a weird dream, in the dream I was pregnant, and we were in a popular bar area of town (something we never do!) and my hubby and I were seperated- I had gone looking for a restroom when I saw a tub of ice cold beers and decided to have one. I was enjoying the beer, about half way through it or so when I remembered I was pregnant and I started to panick and didn't want my hubby to find out, trying to figure out how to cover up the beer breath etc... Okay this is just bizarre because I am not much of a drinker, couldn't tell you the last time I had something alcoholic and when I do it is usually a foo foo drink, or a glass of wine, never a beer! I just have to laugh at this dream, and look forward to telling hubby about it at lunch time to get his take on it. Anyhoo I hope to be updating tomorrow afternoon with some great news!!!! Please keep me in your prayers:)


  1. It just seems like Satan is really trying to attack you with doubt, fear, and worry. Remember that NONE of those are in God's character, so they are not from Him. You need to battle against those worries by claiming the Word of God. When you start to feel doubt creep in, get into the Word. xoxo

  2. Hi there,

    Thought I would pop in and say hello as well as thanks for your comment on my blog.

    I was discussing this with a friend of mine who has also suffered with fertility problems and loss. That fear... We all experience it to some degree but I think it is so much more intense when things have fallen apart before and you learn what can happen. Even logic doesn't seem to combat what has and can happen...nor the fear that it brings.

    Reading back to the beginning, you've been through SO very much. It is completely understandable that this first 12 weeks is going to be a particularly tenuous time. I wish I could say that it stops after that... but it doesn't. It does get better though, less frequent, less intense. But stop it does not.

    The back pain could mean something or it could be nothing. Often it is referred pain. (The source of the discomfort is somewhere else but you end up feeling it in your back). It could just be a result of your uterus stretching to make room for your baby. It could just be the product of relaxin loosening everything up too! I would imagine that it would be quite disconcerting given that you're not feeling a whole lot of other symptoms at the moment.

    I hope that everything goes wonderfully for you today (tomorrow for you). Time for some good news! :-)

  3. Good luck at the ultrasound tomorrow. I am sure seeing the little one growing strongly will help to calm those fears.
    I will be thinking of you.