The Cat's Out of the Bag

I know I haven't been the best blogger, I have been busy but I am making up for it today with 3 posts:)  LOL!
Well Hubby and I had decided or so I though that we would wait till Christmas to tell everyone about our blessing. Then Thanksgiving morning we were having a lazy day around the house enjoying the parade on television and lounging in our pj's it was so nice. Then hubby comes to me and says he wants to tell everyone today, that he doesn't like keeping the secret and he wants prayers and support- that I get. So we sat the kiddos down, showed them the video of the ultrasound from the day before and then told them that they were going to be a big brother/ big sister again. Our daughter got it right away and she is super excited, she is so cute. However I was not quite prepared for some of the questions- "Who put the baby in there?" LOL! "What happens if the baby comes out brown?" my response:  "um, we will love it no matter what color it is or what it looks like however I am pretty sure it is going to have peach color skin". We hadn't had lunch yet and I was hungry, my belly growled and she thought the baby was growling at us!!! OMG gotta love it!
My son on the other hand didn't really say a whole lot and I am not sure he really gets it just yet.
My daughter of course wants a girl and my son wants a boy; my daughter then informed my son that if its a boy he better not teach it to aggravate her! I am telling you she is a mess. However my daughter already has names picked out (she has had them picked out for a while, if she ever had a brother or sister), thankfully I like them but I haven't gotten that far yet to begin thinking of names etc...
Then it was time to tell the family. We decided to include it in the blessing at Thanksgiving. So we said the blessing and then said our daughter is learning to be thankful at school etc... and she wants us to go around and say what they are thankful for this year. Then our daughter said she was thankful that we were going to have a baby- that mommy has a baby in her belly! I think everyone was shocked and not sure what to say because the room was silent. LOL!
So anyhoo, I guess telling everyone makes it seem more real. I have my next doctors appointment next Thursday, this is the first time I will be seeing my high risk obgyn, not too sure what to expect, but praying that all is well.

Kelly's doing a great GIVEAWAY...

Check out Kelly's blog  http://kellyskornerreviews.blogspot.com/2010/11/olay-total-effects.html   , I know this time of year everyone can use a little extra cash and you get to learn about a great skincare product. Kelly is a fellow blogger who is pregnant with her second kiddo and like her my skin is going through some changes with all the hormones. I also need something simpler than the three step program I am using. So I am using Kelly as my guinea pig (sorry Kelly) and see what she thinks of the product  over the next 4 weeks. She is blogging about the product. Here is where the cash comes in, go to her blog, read the post and find out how you could win a $100 visa =)  Good Luck

Free Holiday Cards

If you are like me I am always up for a bargain, and what a bargain this is, 50 FREE holiday cards- YES FREE!!!! Shutterfly is GIVING yes GIVING you 50 free holiday cards, all you have to do is go to Shutterfly
http://www.shutterfly.com/ and check out the promo and then blog about the offer and your favorite items that they offer.
Shutterfly has so many different holiday cards to choose from, it is so hard for me to choose one! I have used Shutterfly in the past for Christmas cards  http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards and I get so many compliments on the nice cards. So of course I am using Shutterfly again this year. The only problem is choosing which card I want to send! I love the variety that they offer, along with the convenience of it all  http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards   . I create the card (or cards) right from my couch, and with a click of the button they are ordered, so nice with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. I have already created several cards with our family photos and now my husband and I just have to sit down and narrow down our choices. I like that with Shutterfly they give you  so many options, you can do a holiday card without a picture, with one picture or with many pictures! I have so much fun creating the cards and playing around with the design.
Not only does Shutterfly do amazing holiday cards, the have many other services. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Shutterfly's photo calendars http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars and so does my husband. Each year my husband requests a photo calendar from Shutterfly as part of his Christmas present. I love that I can get one of hubby's Christmas presents from the convenience of my couch, without having to fight the crowds and long lines, and  not to mention I know it is something he truly wants:)
Shutterfly is so great for the holidays, but don't forget Shutterfly throughout the year, they offer great deals and very cute products. This past year I did my son's third birthday invitations on Shutterfly http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/birthday-invitations . Super easy and I got so many compliments on his invitation. I will definitely be using Shutterfly this holiday season as well as in the coming year with birthday invitations, thank you cards http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/thank-you-cards  and baby announcement:)
So I hope you won't miss out on this fabulous deal with Shutterfly, check them out and save you some hassle and some dough too!

Graduation Day!

Today I had my last appointment with my fertility specialist. I was a nervous wreck yesterday, really worried, and no matter what I read or tried to think positive it just wasn't working. I think the reason I was so nervous etc... was because my hubby wasn't sure he was going to be able to make it to the appointment- it is peak season for him at work. However this morning I felt better and seemed more positive especially when I found out that hubby was going to be at my appointment:)
I got to the appointment a little early (the weather wasn't great- cold and very rainy so I wanted to allow enough time) barely signed in and they called me back- WOW! I guess they were ready to start their Thanksgiving holiday. Thankfully hubby got there early and was able to be at my appointment. We got to see our little one on the ultrasound again today- I LOVE seeing our little one:) Today our little one was moving around, waving at us, kicking it's legs, and the beautiful heartbeat was beating away it was so great to see. Hubby took video on his cell phone but can't seem to get it to email etc... so as soon as we figure that out I will post.
So today is graduation day, my last appointment with my fertility specialist, seems so strange, in two weeks I will see my high risk obgyn for the first time. Anxious for that appointment to get here.
So at the doctors today they kept saying we would have some neat video to share at Thanksgiving, and lots to talk about etc... Well we had planned on telling everyone at Christmas when I will be 14 weeks, but now it has us thinking, should we announce our news tomorrow at Thanksgiving? (I am almost 10wks)  Our biggest concern is our kiddos, if something were to happen, having to explain to them etc...and that is really the big reason why we haven't told anyone. I don't feel comfortable telling everyone before telling the kiddos. I really want the kiddos in on us announcing it, so they feel apart of it from the beginning etc.. I am torn with what to do, I know there is really no right or wrong but I am conflicted. Anyone have any thoughts?
Hope everyone has a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING! and safe travels for those who are traveling.

6 years ago

Six years ago today our precious little boy got his angel wings. William Joseph we miss you every day and love you!!!!

Moving Right Along

This afternoon I had my second ultrasound. I was starting to get nervous before the appointment so I went to the devotional I have been reading, and read over some Bible passages as well as said the prayer to St.Gerard (patron Saint of expectant mothers etc...- I have been saying the prayer nightly), it seemed to help I am not saying I wasn't nervous but it helped. I am trying to be positive and joyous. My blood pressure wasn't sky high which is a good thing being as they took it before the ultrasound-LOL! weight was good etc... So it was on to the ultrasound, and our little gummy bear is doing great!!!!! The doctor commented that it looked like a gummy bear:) and she said all looked great, that I was right on target for 7weeks 6 days. The heartbeat was good and strong 170.  I am to go back to them in two weeks for my final check and ultrasound with this group, and she said at that ultrasound we will see arms, legs and more movement etc...I know longer need to take estrogen (would have been nice to know before hand, just order an refill and it came today- oh well!) Then we got to ask some questions, she recommended a high risk group that was in the same building so that worked out well for us and we went ahead and set up our appointment with them for four weeks from today. Both my hubby and myself got our flu shot- oh whats another shot when you are already taking 6 a day:) It was an eventful day, and exciting. Once we are having the ultrasound and know that all is well, I could sit there all day and look at our little on.
Now the question is when to let the cat out of the bag? My parents know, my blog friends know, my hairstylist knows (because I have a hair appointment next Tuesday for color and I wanted to make sure that it is safe etc...as soon as I asked she asked if I was preggers-LOL!- what are your all's opinion on hair color etc... I only get highlights so it doesn't touch the skin etc...?) but the rest of the world doesn't. Part of me still wants to wait till the first trimester is over like we had planned (which would put it right before Christmas where we could either put it in our Christmas cards or make the announcement at Christmas) but it is getting harder and harder I am so ready to let the cat out of the bag.
THANK YOU THANK YOU for every one's prayers, good thoughts, well wishes and encouragement for today's appointment, it was/ is much appreciated!!!!! I know we are not "out of the woods yet" but today I am feeling joyous and excited:)

Tomorrow

Well tomorrow is our second ultrasound, I am excited to see our little one but of course nervous. I am praying that all is well with our little one, and he/ she is growing  like he/she should. I am really trying to stay positive but I keep having these negative thoughts:(  My hubby came across two books and a prayer card from 6 years ago when I was pregnant with our son William, I have been reading the devotionals and praying the prayer each night before bed, and that seems to calm me. I am really nervous about getting through this month, because November holds lots of bad memories for me. This Friday marks the 6th anniversary of our son William's passing (it is also the day that one of my grandfather's passed away, we used his first name for our son not realizing in our grief that it was the same day that my grandfather had passed away).
I am still having back pain, I just wish I knew what was causing it, I think if I knew that I might be able to "relax" a little bit but I am a worrier (come by it naturally!!!). I am still not having much in the way of pregnancy symptoms, which of course causes me worry- see I told you I am a worrier. I did have a weird dream, in the dream I was pregnant, and we were in a popular bar area of town (something we never do!) and my hubby and I were seperated- I had gone looking for a restroom when I saw a tub of ice cold beers and decided to have one. I was enjoying the beer, about half way through it or so when I remembered I was pregnant and I started to panick and didn't want my hubby to find out, trying to figure out how to cover up the beer breath etc... Okay this is just bizarre because I am not much of a drinker, couldn't tell you the last time I had something alcoholic and when I do it is usually a foo foo drink, or a glass of wine, never a beer! I just have to laugh at this dream, and look forward to telling hubby about it at lunch time to get his take on it. Anyhoo I hope to be updating tomorrow afternoon with some great news!!!! Please keep me in your prayers:)

Still NEED Validation

I struggle day to day with being pregnant, because I am so afraid of losing the baby. Don't get me wrong I LOVE LOVE being pregnant it is just I feel like at any moment it could all end.  Some days I am really positive and thinking about the future and excited to tell EVERYONE and wanting to tell everyone NOW! Then other days I am in fear that something is going to happen and I am have a hard time looking to the future or if I do I am afraid I am jinxing myself. I cannot even bring myself to bring out the book what to expect etc...because my last pregnancy the day that I did get the book out is the day that my last beta came back saying I was miscarrying. Infertility sucks and it affects you even when you are pregnant. I keep counting the days/ weeks left in the first trimester (which is sad to say I am not 100% positive how many weeks are in the first trimester because I am afraid of looking that info us and jinxing myself-I know go ahead and laugh!) thinking if I could just make it out of the first trimester. I so want to tell our family at Thanksgiving ( I will be almost 10weeks) however I think we are going to wait till Christmas. Right now I am just trying to get to our next ultrasound appointment next Thursday, hoping and praying that we see a beautiful heartbeat and a growing baby! My urinalysis came back normal but she did say I needed to increase my water intake. I am still having lower back pain (but THANKFULLY no more bleeding) and I know she said that it's nothing to worry about but I cannot help but worry! I did notice that if I drink more water it seems to help so maybe its a kidney thing.
I went to my endocrinologist on Tuesday and all is well. They went over all that I have to have done (eye check-up every trimester; see the endocrinologist once a month with blood work along with faxing my blood sugar readings once a week; see a dietitian; and go ahead and set up my first appointment with my high risk obgyn) along with the risks of diabetes and pregnancy. I get nervous doing all this stuff, especially setting up appointments, because what if something happens and then I have to call and cancel everything. I did go for my eye check-up yesterday and all is well; I see the dietitian today. I am waiting to talk to my fertility specialist next Thurs. before setting up my appointment with my high risk obgyn; just like I have waited to tell my cardiologist as well. It is not that I don't want to do these things or that  I don't want to tell everyone I am just afraid and that just SUCKS!
I really hope after the first trimester I can relax and enjoy everything. It doesn't help that my symptoms come and go- I am constantly checking out my "girls" to see if they are bigger or sensitive; I worry if my blood sugar readings are normal  because what does that mean?; if I eat and don't get nauseous why? UGH I could go on and on, I guess I just needed to vent. Hubby doesn't fully get it he says I need to be positive and he is right but it is so DARN HARD. I am looking forward to the day I can relax and enjoy my pregnancy with a belly and all!
I was actually having a pretty positive morning till my mom called to tell me that my sister-in-law's cousin lossed her baby (she was about 8weeks- 1 week ahead of me). I know what she is going through and it sucks I feel so bad for them. Please keep them in your prayers. So now I am back to worry wart mode:(
UGH!!!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Ok well just a little panic attack

So my husband called the doctors office and was able to get me in this afternoon, thankfully my mom was able to watch the kiddos so that my hubby could go with me. THANK God it turns out I was having a major panic attack and over reacting. I had an ultrasound done and there is one baby (so one of our snow babies is an angel now, which is disappointing/ sad but I am thrilled that their is one baby) with a beautiful heartbeat. I am 6 weeks 3 days and my due date is June 24, 2011- which is my parents wedding anniversary:) They said the spotting is normal and the back pain may be due to a urinary/ bladder infection- they are testing me for that. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all your kind thoughts and prayers!!!!! PLEASE keep them coming, I am trying to be positive of course it helps looking at that beautiful ultrasound picture- this is the first ultrasound picture of our baby and one that didn't involve heartbreak.

I'm back and I am scared and sad

Well we had a good vacation, lots of walking, it was hot (above normal temps the week we were there- of course!) and I noticed that I wasn't experiencing a lot of the symptoms that I had been which had me a little worried. Yesterday I woke up with low back pain which again freaked me out, but my husband said it's probably due to riding in the car so much the day before however there was something in the back of my mind saying things aren't right. Then last night I had a breakdown, my husband got mad at me because he says I always think the worst etc... I went to bed crying.
Then this morning I woke up felt okay went to my daughter's conferences and started feeling not so good, afterwards I went to the restroom and I was spotting. Now I am having low back pain/ cramps and I think my intuition was right that things aren't good and that I am miscarrying. I called the docs office twice and finally got a hold of someone and all they could say is that their is no intervention and that I can come in for a scan tomorrow- my 6week ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday afternoon. I just want an answer, but I think I already know the answer that I am losing my babies. I feel so alone, I HATE this!!!!! I am so mad, angry, scared, sad and an emotional wreck. I have done everything I was suppose to, I have watched my sugars like a hawk, I stayed away from ALL the yummy desserts on vacation, no halloween candy, no caffine, taken my medicine like I am suppose to, didn't ride any rides that they said pregnant woman shouldn't ride etc...WHY? WHY? WHY?