Friday, January 14, 2011

Not Sure

Wanted to get every one's opinion, not sure who to talk to about this. I have a good friend who wants to co-host a baby shower for me. I am still "uneasy" talking showers etc... still having a hard time believing that I am 17 weeks today and I don't want to "jinx" things. I kind of expressed this to her and she said she understood said we would discuss more after our big ultrasound in Feb.
There are several "issues" with showers that I need advice/ need to deal with. First one being she wants to co-host and I totally get that it is a big responsibility and costly to throw one yourself; however no one else has mentioned throwing me a shower and I am not sure there is anyone else. I had thought that if I do decided to have one that I would help her out with everything- is that wrong/ tacky?
Another issue is this is my third kiddo and I have been raised that you only have a shower with the first kiddo etc... I had a little shower with our first kiddo- it was kind of different, my mom and sister-in-law put it together. With our second kiddo the adoption was so fast (we found out on a Thursday that the bm had chosen us and supposedly she was due that weekend but come to find out she wasn't due for another month but we didn't know that for several weeks- long story) we didn't even have time to plan a shower etc...
So is it wrong to have a shower or sprinkle?
Another issue that may arise is I didn't go to a lot of family/ friends showers in the past because of all my issues. I always sent a gift with a nice note etc... I am not sure if others get why I didn't come to showers etc... unless they have gone through infertility. Actually the "funny" thing is my friend that is wanting to throw the shower had a baby a little over a year ago and they had a shower for her- I didn't go and she was upset with me at the time even though I tried to explain etc...  It isn't that I am not excited and happy for the family it is my own issues.
I know that people think that by the third kiddos you should have everything you need but to be honest we don't! This baby is going to be born in a different season than my other two kiddos; some of the stuff we had either wore out/ broke, was recalled (yes our bassinet was one of those!) or expired (did you know car seats expire!). And I don't look at showers as "getting stuff" it is celebrating the baby and the momma. So here is my other "issue" we celebrate our first baby and adoption with a shower, we didn't with the second kiddo because like I said time so is it wrong to want to do this for the third? I don't know maybe I am just over reacting. I really want to get others feedback and thoughts.  THANK YOU :)


  1. As a BLM myself, I know the idea is overwhelming, but here are my thoughts:

    1. You shouldn't help hostess (??) it yourself, that isn't appropriate, maybe your mom or SIL would like to help.

    2. Maybe you could do it at a restaurant where people who come are responsible for their own food, and the hostess gets a cake and everyone brings gifts (we are doing 3 sprinkles like this in the spring for 2nd or 3rd babies).

    3. You deserve to celebrate you and this baby, with adoption it is much trickier, so sometimes those just don't happen. You can't feel bad b/c it didn't happen for #2 and not let yourself celebrate #3!!

    4. If people don't come to the sprinkle/shower/whatever you name it, then that's ok, you'll understand that maybe some feelings were hurt, but hopefully they will understand your struggles!

    5. Try not to over-think it. This is my third pregnancy (failed adoption in there too) and I've never had the opportunity to ACTUALLY think shower and I know a lot of people are scared after loss, but you and I have to celebrate these babies to the fullest for however long God gives them to us!!

    Hope that helps!! Keep us posted on what you decide, either way, it will be the right thing for you!!! :)

  2. I think that if she wants to throw you a shower, let her and enjoy. Like you said, it’s a celebration of this little one. She knows it’s your third and she still offered. As far as helping plan, I would just ask if there is anything you can do to help her, but take an obvious back seat role. And as for not attending other’s showers – you sent a gift, which means you were thinking of them. And even if it means a small turn out for your shower, I think it’s still a nice idea to celebrate this little one. As for gifts, you could register, or you could do what my friends and I have done for friends having baby #2 – a diaper derby where everyone is asked to bring diapers. Diapers are very appropriate baby gift for the second or third time around. Then if someone wants to bring an additional gift they can.

  3. THANK YOU!!!! You all bring up some great ideas and put my mind at ease- MUCH appreciated:)

  4. I agree with the other two 'commentors'. Just enjoy and celebrate this miracle!