No miracle here!

Well so much for a miracle on my last dose of clomid. I actually ovulated on the clomid however I did not get pregnant:(  I started this morning- what a great way to start a Monday morning UGH! So to "help" me feel better I splurged at went to Starbu.ks and got there new dark cherry mocha- yummo!!!!! HIGHLY recommend. It helped some but I still feel horrible. So I am not sure what is going to happen. Our taxes should be done in the next day or two and then hubby and I will have to sit down and figure out how best to use our tax return. I am hoping it is a decent enough return to do something in the way of expanding our family or at least trying. If there is enough money and we decide to use it to expand our family what should we do? Put it towards an adoption with Reeces Rainbow (which is a definate in the way of expanding our family) or a couple of rounds of IUI knowing that if that does not work we are finished. WHERE is my crystal ball when I need it??????

Just waiting

Just wondering and waiting, trying not to get our hopes up but praying that this is our opportunity. I went ahead and started the lovely suppositories that I had a ton of samples of to thicken my lining and giving us every chance that we can. I am really trying not to think about it, stress about it or get my hopes up but I have to admit it is very hard to do! I just keep thinking that if it does actually work and I do get pregnant this round I won't have to stress over all the money etc... But I also know that if I am I have a very LONG road ahead of me before I even get to hold my baby. I am just trying to do everything right (aside from not listening to the doctor-LOL!) and praying! So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers:)

Hope???

Could it be true that we might actually have some more hope of trying to conceive a child????? I went to my endocrinologist last week for a routine check-up for my diabetes and she of course asked about our attempts to get pregnant. She was quite impressed with my weight loss and with my lab results=)  She said since I am healthier than when I came to her (lost some weight better A1C etc...) she would like to lower some of my insulin levels and try me on glucophage in hopes that it will help my body have a normal cycle and an actual menstral cycle without the clomid or superovulatory meds. She also said that this medication can help with miscarriage. So as of last week I started the glucophage and will increase my dose over the next three weeks and hopefully -fingers, toes crossed, prayer said etc.... it will work!!!!! She said she hates the thought of us having to go to the expensive treatments and wants to help us out as much as she can. So who knows maybe this is the answer we have been looking for- I am trying not to get my hopes us because who knows with this crazy body of mine!
My other sign of hope happened this weekend. I did something I probably should not have but I wasn't ready to just throw in the towel:) When I started my period 18 days ago I was not suppose to start any other fertility meds etc... unless we were willing to fork over the dough for the superovulation meds and IUI- which we don't have the $$$ right now so that is a no. The reason why they wanted me to stop clomid was two fold- they had increased my dosage to 150mg a day for 5 days and I still wasn't producing any or any decent size follicals- I had been on that dosage for two cycles with no luck and my lining was thin- thanks to clomid. I also the last couple of cycles didn't actually ovulate. The other reason is because I had a ovarian cysts- pretty good size which is common when you are clomid. But I had one refill left and I thought what the heck lets see what we can do. Well lo and behold I got a positive on my ovulation test Sunday!!!!! So who knows if their are any decent follicals (since the doc doesn't know that I am taking the clomid there for I am not going in for ultrasound checks etc...)but we are going to give it the old college try. Once again I am trying not to get my hopes up but I am excited by the prospect- maybe my body will actually work right for once!

Making some changes- cutting back

So after sitting down and paying the bills with my hubby- something he typically does himself I was depressed to say the least. We needed to take some action because we are drowning ourselves with all our expenses etc... So I sat down and made a list of things that we could cut back on or get rid of all together. I got rid of my daily newspaper that I had delievered- I can read the paper online and get Sundays coupons from my parents. Got rid of our landline phone and went only to cell phones- we will see how it goes! Then I said get rid of our satelite and go to regular television- my husband not so thrilled about that one or the next suggestion either- only going out to eat for one meal a week with exception of his Thurs. lunch which is work related. So far on the going out to eat we did well this weekend:) As far as the satelite we found a deal or rather a deal found us that we could switch to cable and save money (obviously not as much as if we got rid of it all together however we were in a contract with our satelite co. and the cable co. bought out our remaining contract!) and still have a ton of channels and our beloved- LOL! DVR:)  I have cut back on going to the salon, I am typically every 5-6 weeks for haircut and eyebrow wax however I have not been since right before Christmas- and yes my eyebrows are starting to show it- YIKES! So I feel like I am making and effort to help out since I don't work outside the home- I even called about personal opinion/ product testing however you have to come in and answer questions by yourself and that won't work with the kids etc... however the lady did take my name and number so maybe she will call and we can work some things out to where I can make a little cash!
I am thinking about starting an organic garden and growing our own veggies for the summer- trying to save money plus I think it would be neat for the kids to grow something and who knows my daughter might starting eating a vegetable- LOL! Not sure where to start or even when to start on this little venture so if anyone out there grows an organic garden please share some ideas/ tips:)
The next be thing to tackle will be our tax return. As much as I want to put that money towards infertility treatments I also know that we could get our credit cards payed off:) It breaks my heart to think that we might be done! I just don't know what to do?! It is sooooo hard to decide and I know that if we do put that money towards the treatments and they fail then I will be devastated, depressed and MAD at myself for "wasting" that money.
So that is where we are, would love more suggestions on cost cutting and what would you do with the tax return?

Moving On

I have been thinking about moving on a lot lately and trying to make a very tough decision. I am torn about doing superovulation with IUI. Part of me says YES YES YES we need to try everything that we can, to try and make my dream come true. I also know this is my last chance to do something like this inorder to try and have a baby given my age and healthy history etc... BUT the cost is SOOOO expensive, I wish I knew of a way to help with the cost, or either the meds or the procedure or even both. The only way we are going to be able to swing this is using our tax return. We haven't filed yet so we don't even know how much we are getting back. Our tax return may only give us enough for one try at it and then my thought is, is it even worth it with only one shot at it? I also think about how we could use that money to help us out with bills, our daughters school etc... I know that if we do use this money to try that will add even more pressure to us; and if we use the money and it doesn't work I will have a very hard time dealing emotionally and will feel guilty. I also know either way, if we try and it doesn't work or we don't try because of the cost I am going to have a very hard time dealing with the finality. It just breaks my heart to know I will never have any more babies:(  At this point I HATE money, money is so evil! I HATE that, money is what is stopping us from expanding our family. I just want a crystal ball- LOL!!!! I am sure I am not the only one who would love to have that. So my question is if it was you what would you do?