Back to Square one

Well we had a good but very hectic vacation- it was way too short for all that we wanted to do. Of course all of vacation I spent expecting to get my period, I had all the signs- cramps etc... got the all day headache on our girls day- we went to the Amer. Girl store, shopping and lunch. Then the next day, the day we left I started- figures.
I called the infertility specialist to see what the next step is, and now they are back to the approach you are on your own unless you want to go ahead with IUI or IVF. We haven't really discussed what we want to do, I think we are both hoping it will happen on its own. I am using the love ovulation test strips this month and we will see what happens. I am not ready to give up hope that one day we will be a family of 5!
I saw on the local news about a pregnancy diet. A couple who had been told they didn't have much chance of getting pregnant even with help (they tried for over a yr going to an infertility doc.) did researched, followed this diet and within months were pregnant. So its got me thinking, and wondering if anyone out there has tried a pregnancy diet and if it has worked? I am willing to try anything especially if it is low cost:)
I know stress is a major factor and I am under a TON of stress right now- I will get to that in a minute. So that bringings me to acupuncture- who has tried it, is it worth it and how do I go about finding a good one? I know here again is a cost thing. So how often do you have to go and when in your cycle do you start going?  Need some info.
Okay back to stress- My lovely hubby for my 35th b-day took me out car shopping. Mind you there was absolutely nothing wrong with our Hon.da mini-van I was just tired of driving a mini-van and wanted a change. I had been driving a mini-van (not the same one) for 7+ years (yes we were the couple that had planned on getting pregnant right after we got married so when it came time to get a new car before we got married we bought a mini-van knowing it would be filled with kids in no time-LOL!!! Boy did we jenks ourselves). I wanted a large suv. We found exactly what I was looking for and amazingly they offered us what we wanted/ needed for our van without even looking at it (should have been red flag #1!!!!!). Worked a deal and got a new car on my b-day:)  We started noticing a few things like it was getting LOUSY gas mileage and when I put the drivers side window down it smelled of mildew. Yes we asked about a carfax however we didn't push the issue, actually we forgot about it in the process of buying the car etc... (we had the kids with us mistake #2!!!!!); however we did ask for it and it is against the law not to provide it once it has been asked for. Anyhoo 27 days after purchasing the car we were on our way to my in-laws (about 50-60 minutes away) with both kids and my niece in tow. The car broke down on the way- the transmission went out! Luckily it had powertrain warranty left. We had a tow bill of $150; they put a new $11,000 transmission in and after being in the shop for 21 days we got the car back. It runs however it is still getting crappy crappy gas mileage (12 mpg!!!!!!), oh and there is still the smell in the door when you roll the window down and now we notice the passenger floorboard is wet and the car smells of mildew. We have gone back to the dealership however they are not willing to help us out in any way shape or form- we even tried to get another vehicle off there lot (wasn't really what I wanted but I was willing to settled to get out of this one!)however they are viewing the vehicle as a trade and will not give us what we paid for it and inorder to get the other vehicle they want us to pay $100 more per month for the same priced vehicle that we bought! Yes they must think we are stupid. I really and truely do not want another one of their vehicles because I don't trust them. I want my mini-van back however it being in such great shape sold in no time:(   So now I just want our money back so we can go somewhere else! Oh failed to mention that we referred my parents to this dealership (obviously before all this took place) and they bought a brand new vehicle from them!!! So I am completely, overwhelmed and stressed about all this. It makes me physically sick to think how they took advantage of us and we are getting screwed. I know I need to relax but I can't I just want this nightmare to be over!

Big Fat.....

Yep what a way to start off the morning and vacation with a BIG FAT NEGATIVE!!!!! I knew I wasn't pregnant, I mean I know how my body reacts etc... however I had to take a test since I hadn't started ( and I am still using that lovely gel stuff to improve my lining) and of course I am not going to lie I was hoping against hope that I was pregnant. Nope the stupid test screamed not pregnant, you know when I look at that thing it's like it's taunting me HAHAHA NOT pregnant! I hate those tests- I was never good at tests! I mean it's been 7+ years why should my body decide to work now?! You would think after all these months that I am use to seeing that negative test, but nope I still get sad, cry, mad, angry, frustrated etc.... I HATE hope because all it does is cause you pain. Then there is hubby who gets mad  at me for being upset etc... so of course we aren't talking much, another great way to start vacation!
Here is the real ass kicker, if I wouldn't have gone to the fertility specialist and just gone about my way one we would be in the same position we are now (not pregnant), however we would have more money that we wouldn't have wasted on the stupid doc visit and p- test. Not to mention I wouldn't be getting my period right now!!!! But no instead I call the doc, waste more money and now I get to have to joys of menstral cramps etc... the ENTIRE vacation YIPPEE me!!!!!!! Yes I am in a horrible mood, not looking forward to vacation, mad, sad, angry etc... but I think I have a right to these feelings.
So now I guess I have to call the fertility specialist and see what to do next- oh joy! I would say wish me luck but I have given up on luck and that crap!

trying?!

Okay I have been debating on posting for several reasons one big one being I don't want to get to excited. I have been down this road before I remember where we have ended up before and that scares me. Since the endocrinologist put me on Metformin (a pretty high dose) hoping that maybe that would be the trick to getting me a " normal" cycle.  Well for the last 2-3 months I have had a "normal" for me cycle, every 40 days!!!!! Which I cannot ever remember happening for me unless I was taking bc pills or clomid! So yes I was thrilled to be sort of normal- haha. Here is the kicker not knowing my cycle, I could feel myself ovulating etc... but not knowing when to start testing for ovulation- those test sticks get expensive!!!! So I decided to call the fertility specialist to see what they would recommend etc... They of course wanted to see me and do an ultrasound. I thought okay maybe they will put me back on clomid. I mean we know that I have gotten pregnant twice using that. So I go in for the ultrasound and lo and behold I have a nice good size follical. WOW could this really be my body?! Here again I don't want to get too excited at all! So they decided to give me that wonderful (painful-LOL!) hcg shot to make sure I release the follical. I also have to start using the lovely and messy pro.gesterone gell because of course typical of my body my lining is very thin.
So now we are waiting and I HATE waiting. I am trying not to stress myself or think about it but it is hard. Last weekend when it was "prime time" when I shouldn't be stressed I had my niece at our house all weekend- which don't get me wrong I love her but it just adds a little more stress. But the BIG stresser was having to go to my in-laws for a get together (that is a whole nother O.Prah on why that is a big stresser) but then to make matters worse my new (less than a month old!) car decides to break down on the way. UGH!!!!! We have been dealing with that ALL week, thank goodness the dealership has been great. We have a rental that apparently (we just found out today) we will have the rest of the month because my vehicle needs a new transmission!
So who knows about this cycle I just hope and pray that just maybe this is the answer but then I think okay if it didn't work this time please, please, please body cooperate next month!!!! So stressful. Then the end of this week I have been having lower back pain- similar to what I had when I miscarried last Sept. I think its too early for it to be that (it was a week ago yesterday that I was at the fertility spec. office and got the h.c.g shot) but it also feels like when I am about to start. So of course I am trying not to get freaked out and worried it could be a multitude of things but its hard not to think the worse! Where is my crystal ball when I need it?!
The other thing that I have been rolling around in my brain is- should this cycle not work and my body does cooperate next month should we just do IUI. It wouldn't be as expensive since I wouldn't have to take the super.ov.ulation drugs etc... Another thing that I have been wondering for some time is: do you think woman have a certain time during the year that they are most fertile? I have had my pregnancies take place around the same time of the year. I know with my cousin all three of her kids birthdays are within a month of each other! So here is the kicker if that is the case then my "PRIME" time for the year is coming up this month so IUI would increase our chances- right?  UGH so many choices and things to think about. I feel like I am in a maze and I am afraid to make the wrong turn that will lead to a dead end :(